Time for Change...The True Worth of a Man idk

So I've been thinking a lot lately. I've been in kind of a funk for the past couple of weeks. So here it goes.

I’ve tried to change a few things about my life since I’ve come to college. I realize that I’m not getting any younger and I’ve got a lot of regrets. To start off, I want to get back into shape. I’ve recently hit the gym and changed my diet. I’ve lost 23 lbs so far and plan to lose another 25 by summer. I want to be healthier and I want to not be ashamed of myself. It’s important for someone respect himself. I give off a bit of a false sense of an ego as a façade to hide how I see myself. I humbly beg forgiveness for the offense I have committed. I never intentionally pushed anyone away. I have crashed and burned in relationships when I could have done better. I'm sorry for that the most. I should have been a better man. When you're ready to die for someone, no amount of effort is enough. I shouldn't have given up so easily. I have hated a lot about myself for a long time, but I’m beginning to see that I have held myself to unreasonably high standards. I saw (and still partially do) see my mistakes and faults as unforgivable things. Recently, I think… life has more to it than this… A boy grows into a man when he realizes that being perfect is not what’s important in life. He should strive for being who he wants to be, but not consider himself a failure if he doesn’t measure up. Even if he is lost in the dark or condemned by all who oppose him, he still has those who care for him and that which he must protect at all costs (his life code).  For it is the way a man lives that determines whether he is an angel or a demon. He needs a life worth something damnit! He needs to die with his head held high, not hung in shame and fear. He needs to die with a smile on his face, not tears from the past.

In short, I don’t want to be a man who hates himself.

I want to be a man who is successful.

I want to be a man who is intelligent.

I want to be a man who is attractive.

 I want to be a gentleman.

 I want to be a man who has a woman to love and be loved by…

But I realize that I won’t get all of that from life.

And I also realize that I will get some of that from life.

I have worth.

I don’t want to go through life with regrets. I want to be a man who can be proud of himself for once.

And I apologize for who I have been up to this point and intend to make up for it.

Consider all past accomplishments null and void for the time being.

Thank you for your time.

...I started to ramble there for a while, didn't I? oops...